I miss my wife so much! She was the light of my life and I lost her because of my alcoholism.
If you are someone struggling with alcoholism, or any other addiction, please read these words and in their pain and suffering find the strength to get help - PLEASE DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU! GET HELP NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!
I don't think I will ever recover from losing my wife. How do you ever get over losing your soul mate...from hurting the one who you love so much and who loves, or loved, you so much?
Honey, if you ever read this, please know that with all of my heart I will love you and cherish you until the day I die. Only God truly knows how sorry I am for the hurt I have caused you. I pray for you every single day - for your health, for your happiness, and that you may find peace in your life. I want the best life has to offer for you - even if I can't be a part of your life.
I do wish there was a way we could have one more chance - I don't think I will ever really give up on that hope even though I realize the chances of our being back together are non-existent my heart just won't completely let go - I miss you so very much. I just wish you could see the man I'm becoming...the man you so desperately wanted me to be...honest, sober, peaceful.
For me, it is just too late for my relationship with this beautiful woman, but if you are someone struggling with an addiction maybe it is not too late for you...GET HELP...STOP LYING TO YOURSELF...GET HELP NOW...WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE AND LOVED ONES!
And to you my dearest, no matter what happens, with all my heart and soul I want peace, health, and happiness for you - simply because you loved me so much for so many years!
I'm so sorry for how I have hurt you and for what I have done to our relationship...for these things I will remain forever sorry...I only pray that someday God and you can forgive me.
Please God, watch over this beautiful child of yours for me since I can't anymore!
Monday, December 20, 2004
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
How could I have hurt my wife so much...
For some reason the realization of how I have betrayed and hurt my loving wife came crashing down on my tonight. It is not that I haven't realized this before tonight, it is just that tonight it really hit home.
I was on the way from work to my nightly AA meeting and suddenly I began to feel so remorseful for the way I have treated her. She loved me and I loved her, but I hurt her and betrayed her. My alcoholism caused me to ignore her needs, her love, and her feelings.
I hurt the woman who I love more than any other in the world. How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Suddenly the world seems like such a sad, cold, lonely place. I couldn't even speak at the meeting tonight. I felt like I was going to burst into tears. Tears kept slipping out of my eyes and I was just afraid to try and speak. I hurt for her, not for me.
I wish there was someway I could make things up to her. But she won't even speak to me now. Fifteen years of marriage and I've hurt her so bad she won't even talk to me.
God, please help me find the strength to beat my alcoholism [to get it under control and keep it under control] so I can work on trying to make amends to this beautiful woman.
More than anything else, I want to try and make amends to my wife. She deserved so much more from our marrage. I really did love her and I still do, but I'm going to do my best to let her go without a fight so our divorce will be as easy on her as possible.
I love you honey! I love you so much I'm going to try my best to let you go with class, love, and concern for your feelings above my own.
I pray for you every day and every night. I pray that God will help you find peace and happiness in your life. I'll never stop loving you and praying and hoping for your happiness.
I pray that someone will read this blog and it will prompt them to get help in time to save their marriage and save their spouse the pain and suffering my wife has gone through.
I was on the way from work to my nightly AA meeting and suddenly I began to feel so remorseful for the way I have treated her. She loved me and I loved her, but I hurt her and betrayed her. My alcoholism caused me to ignore her needs, her love, and her feelings.
I hurt the woman who I love more than any other in the world. How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Suddenly the world seems like such a sad, cold, lonely place. I couldn't even speak at the meeting tonight. I felt like I was going to burst into tears. Tears kept slipping out of my eyes and I was just afraid to try and speak. I hurt for her, not for me.
I wish there was someway I could make things up to her. But she won't even speak to me now. Fifteen years of marriage and I've hurt her so bad she won't even talk to me.
God, please help me find the strength to beat my alcoholism [to get it under control and keep it under control] so I can work on trying to make amends to this beautiful woman.
More than anything else, I want to try and make amends to my wife. She deserved so much more from our marrage. I really did love her and I still do, but I'm going to do my best to let her go without a fight so our divorce will be as easy on her as possible.
I love you honey! I love you so much I'm going to try my best to let you go with class, love, and concern for your feelings above my own.
I pray for you every day and every night. I pray that God will help you find peace and happiness in your life. I'll never stop loving you and praying and hoping for your happiness.
I pray that someone will read this blog and it will prompt them to get help in time to save their marriage and save their spouse the pain and suffering my wife has gone through.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
I love my wife so very much!
I love my wife so very much!!!
Even if I'm about to be only her ex-husband!
I've loved her with all my heart ever since our second date, dinner at I Richhi in Washington, D.C. I knew that night that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
And now my alcoholism has pushed her away for good. I've lost her and I'll never get her back.
How am I going to live without her?
How am I going to live with the knowledge of how I've hurt her?
I so regret what I've put her through and desperately want to make amends to her. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make things up to her in whatever capacity God allows me to have in her life. I wasn't the best husband I could have been so I'll just have to do my very best to be the best ex-husband I can. I pray God will give me the opportunity to have some small place in her life.
She is divorcing me and it is so ironic that I'm losing her right when I am finally starting to become the man [I think] she has always wanted me to be...sober, at peace with myself, at peace with the world, happy with what I have, and honest.
Above all, completely honest, 100% honest. I think honesty is what she always wanted from me more than anything else. I'm going to be honest with her and honest with myself for the rest of my days!
So I'll do my best to get well...to stay sober...and to rebuild my life. I think it to be the best way I can make amends to her for all I've put her through.
My dearest, I'm so sorry I broke your heart and betrayed your trust...I would do anything to make up for those mistakes.
I love my wife so very much!!!
Even if I'm about to be only her ex-husband!
I've loved her with all my heart ever since our second date, dinner at I Richhi in Washington, D.C. I knew that night that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
And now my alcoholism has pushed her away for good. I've lost her and I'll never get her back.
How am I going to live without her?
How am I going to live with the knowledge of how I've hurt her?
I so regret what I've put her through and desperately want to make amends to her. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make things up to her in whatever capacity God allows me to have in her life. I wasn't the best husband I could have been so I'll just have to do my very best to be the best ex-husband I can. I pray God will give me the opportunity to have some small place in her life.
She is divorcing me and it is so ironic that I'm losing her right when I am finally starting to become the man [I think] she has always wanted me to be...sober, at peace with myself, at peace with the world, happy with what I have, and honest.
Above all, completely honest, 100% honest. I think honesty is what she always wanted from me more than anything else. I'm going to be honest with her and honest with myself for the rest of my days!
So I'll do my best to get well...to stay sober...and to rebuild my life. I think it to be the best way I can make amends to her for all I've put her through.
My dearest, I'm so sorry I broke your heart and betrayed your trust...I would do anything to make up for those mistakes.
I love my wife so very much!!!
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