How could I have hurt my wife so much...

For some reason the realization of how I have betrayed and hurt my loving wife came crashing down on my tonight. It is not that I haven't realized this before tonight, it is just that tonight it really hit home.

I was on the way from work to my nightly AA meeting and suddenly I began to feel so remorseful for the way I have treated her. She loved me and I loved her, but I hurt her and betrayed her. My alcoholism caused me to ignore her needs, her love, and her feelings.

I hurt the woman who I love more than any other in the world. How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen?

Suddenly the world seems like such a sad, cold, lonely place. I couldn't even speak at the meeting tonight. I felt like I was going to burst into tears. Tears kept slipping out of my eyes and I was just afraid to try and speak. I hurt for her, not for me.

I wish there was someway I could make things up to her. But she won't even speak to me now. Fifteen years of marriage and I've hurt her so bad she won't even talk to me.

God, please help me find the strength to beat my alcoholism [to get it under control and keep it under control] so I can work on trying to make amends to this beautiful woman.

More than anything else, I want to try and make amends to my wife. She deserved so much more from our marrage. I really did love her and I still do, but I'm going to do my best to let her go without a fight so our divorce will be as easy on her as possible.

I love you honey! I love you so much I'm going to try my best to let you go with class, love, and concern for your feelings above my own.

I pray for you every day and every night. I pray that God will help you find peace and happiness in your life. I'll never stop loving you and praying and hoping for your happiness.

I pray that someone will read this blog and it will prompt them to get help in time to save their marriage and save their spouse the pain and suffering my wife has gone through.