How do you let go of the sunshine? A note to my wife!

How do you let go of the sunshine in your world?

When you hurt someone you love so much it drives them away, perhaps the most crushing blow is when you realize that you are losing the sunshine in your life. One of the saddest things about the disease of addiction is that you hurt the people you love the most.

I love my wife more than anything in the world and I hurt her more than anyone. I've stolen her dreams, and my own, of our growing old together.

How do you get over that?

How do you make amends to her?

I am doing my best to let her go with class, dignity, and grace. But it is so very hard.

I am so damm scared of having to live the rest of my life without her. I would do anything to heal the wounds I've caused her. But sadly, I am finally realizing that it is just too late. I want the best for her, I only wish I could be a part of that.

If you ever read this honey, I love you. I have since that first night in Washington, DC when we went out to that Greek restaurant and you couldn't eat your dinner. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you for the rest of my life and the rest of time!

Maybe God will smile down on my someday and bring you back into my life. Or perhaps he will just let me be near you in heaven.

I think what I miss the most is reaching over to stroke your hair when we were falling asleep next to one another...God I miss that so.

I hope God brings peace, happiness, and love into your life.

I miss you so very much! So very much!