What keeps me going?

When times get tough, and the last week has been tough, seeing my children keeps my going. Seeing them, playing with them, holding them makes me realize how lucky I am to be getting clean and sober while I still have a chance to rebuild my relationship with them.

Thanks to the grace of God, and in spite of my shortcomings and past mistakes, I still have the opportunity to show them I love them, the opportunity to take care of them the best I know how, the opportunity to be a positive influence in their lives. The opportunity to show them that no matter how far you fall, their is a way to recover and get better, if you really want to and are willing to work for it.

Thank you God for saving me and helping me find my way while I still have the a chance for a relationship with my kids.

I deeply regret the fact that I am losing their mother due to our pending divorce. I think that of all the costs required to get the "gift of desperation" [see post on this below], that losing my wife, their mother, is the one I regret most of all. But I want her to be happy and if a divorce is what she needs to be happy, then I want her to have it.

I'll never stop hoping that God will find a way for the two of us, my wife and I, to somehow have another chance to be together and find the peace and happiness I know we can. But that is tomorrow's business, and my sobriety demands that I stay focused on today's business - staying clean and sober today!

I love you honey! More than anything else, I truly want you to be happy. I pray every day that God will help you find peace and happiness. If you need to be apart from me to do that, then so be it. But I will always be ready and willing to be whatever part of your life you want me to be. I will do my best to support you, to be your friend, to be a good father to your children, to do whatever I can to make your life better.

I love you and I always will. All you have to do is call and I will be there!